Pope Pierre the XXIII Says Enough is Enough

— Nov. 7, 2009, Notre Dame Cathedral, Paris, France

At a last minute press conference, the statue of Pope Pierre the XXIII reached out to fellow Catholics and statuary alike as he roundly denounced the vile fecal habits of pigeons, or "God's one mistake" as he continually referred to them.

"The indignity of it all! This city is crawling with abstract Devil-art and yet these flying vermin return to my mitre day after day," proclaimed the Pontif. "I've had it up to here!" he sputtered, adding a particularly un-papal-like one-fingered gesture.

Jean-Guillaumet, spokesbird for the Parisian Pigeon Society (a.k.a The PP Society), remained seemingly indifferent to the Pope's remarks, bloated, but indifferent.

He then excused himself and flew towards a nervous Saint Paul on the west façade.

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Well, I guess we'll see if all those "get out of hell" points from the children's home are worth it. I sauntered on over to Notre Dame yesterday and had a wee look-see. It is a marvelous structure and worth all the hoopla heaped upon it, but that's no reason not to have a little fun at its expense too.

So, here we go then.

It's known for gruesome gargoyles and such, but there is also the softer and much cuter side.

Even if two feet to the right is a saint very properly holding his own severed head. This would be Saint Denis whose head was given a separate address in the 3rd century. Not as big a problem as you might imagine, since according to legend he simply picked up his head and walked for a few miles all the while still delivering a sermon.

The Church is certainly known for caring about the little people.

And for good reason. If not for the little people, where would the saints rest their walking staves?

I used to think of monks as a bit cultish, but this poster certainly alleviates that worry. The image really gets at the monks' caring and sacrificial side. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go warn all the lambs and virgins of Paris.

The devote come to the cathedral to lift their prayers onward (for a mere 5 euros per candle). But in case that devotion gets a bit out of hand, there is no need to worry...

...there are Shadrack-and Meshack-approved Prayer Fire Shrouds at the ready (Abendnego apparently split years ago citing creative differences).

Instructions: 1) Remove Prayer Fire Shroud from case. 2) Apologize for the interruption and kindly inform the devoted that he/she is presently engulfed in flames and may require some assistance. 3) Ask the engulfed to assume the international "human Roman candle" position, head bowed slightly and hands calmly in pockets while you gently pat and smooth out the flames.

And one nice unsacrilegious shot to end on. Just a few of the 7,800 pipes of the grand organ of Notre Dame.

(Wow, there's a good title for a bawdy historical romance novel, The Grand Organ of Notre Dame. Sorry, I just couldn't help myself. And can you blame me? I'm not the one who officially calls the head keyboardist at Notre Dame the Titular Organist. I'm just saying.)